I thought this week would be a good time to look at the humorous side of models and the photography studio. The main reason is to clear up some misconceptions that people have about models in a photography studio. Or maybe it is the wild imagination that my married friends have or maybe this is their way of trying to suck up to get an invite into the studio for an afternoon. So here is some tongue and cheek humor about those misconceptions and actual questions I have been asked.

1. Do models eat? Of course they do, you doorknob. Maybe, you have been reading Playboy too much, or your mind has gravitated in it's thinking that models are just fembots or androids who exist merely to satisfy your fantasies. The only thing slightly out of the ordinary is that you will typically see a model eat standing up. (They don't want to spill food or drink on the pricey clothes.)
2. Do models fart in the studio? No they don't. Didn't you read the paragraph above. Fembots do not fart. OK, if you believe this you are a complete moron. Every human being farts. Models may be more discrete by going to the restroom and letting one go or they just hold it in until they are with their boyfriends and then they really let loose.
3. Do wardrobe malfunctions happen on person? They only happen on purpose if it involves a celebrity and a television appearance. Otherwise, the stylist and the model work together in a very professional manner to ensure that there are no wardrobe malfunctions. Two sided tape, bobby pins and clips are amongst the things used to ensure that accidents don't happen. Despite the efforts of all those involved, wardrobe malfunctions do happen on occasion. But photographers have to remain professional at all times. Sometimes, a wardrobe malfunction may make its way into my bloopers gallery.
4. Is a photography studio just a synonym for a swingers pad? This is just a common misconception that is perpetuated by married guys. They pass this information along until it becomes an urban legend. A psychologist would tell you that this all rooted in the common sexual frustrations of married guys. Just to clear things up, only a little bit of sex goes on in the studio. So in a four hour shoot there is about 3 1/2 hours of cheap gratuitous sex and a 1/2 hour where the photographer bangs out a few frames. (pun intended) OK, now that I have twisted your mind a bit. Did you ever hear about the expression "Never dip you pen into the company ink!".
5. All models are smokin' hot. No, models come in various shapes and sizes. Specialization comes into play here. There are full-figured models, petite models, hand models, fashion models, car show models, etc. A photographer is only going to show you the "A" list of models to further perpetuate item # 4.

So without further ado, here is a supermodel joke from the internet.

Supermodel Joke

Naomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer, and Cindy Crawford are flying to a super models conference in Paris, when the captain of the plane announces: "We have just lost power to the engines and are going to make an emergency crash landing -- assume the brace position immediately!"

Immediately the three models start preparing for the worst. Claudia pulls out lipstick and make-up and starts fixing her face. Bewildered, Naomi and Cindy ask: "What in the hell are you doing fixing your make-up when we are about to friggin' crash!"

Claudia responds: "I know for a fact the rescue workers will search for, and save first, the ones who have the best looking faces -- which is why I am putting on my make-up."

Cindy Crawford rips open her blouse to expose two beautiful mounds of flesh which inexplicably defy the law of gravity. Totally confused, Naomi and Claudia shout: "Cindy, have you lost your senses? Why are you baring your breasts for everyone to see when we are about to die!"

Cindy responds: "I have it on good authority in plane crashes, the rescue workers look to save first the women with big beautiful breasts -- which is why I am exposing my tits!"

Not hesitating, Naomi Campbell pulls down her skirt and panties to expose her love triangle." Freaking out, Claudia and Cindy yell: "Naomi -- Are you crazy?? Why are you exposing your crotch for everyone to see?"

Calmly, Naomi responds: "BITCHES PLEASE! I know for a fact the first thing the rescue workers look for in plane crashes is a black box!"

Watsonphotography.ca creates unique images of fashion, models, people, travel, nature and racing sports by Toronto photographer Peter Watson.